uneasy...

i am feeling quite a bit irritated after going through some webpages. it shown me how much people have changed throughout the years. it shown me how much people progress. it shown me how much people appreciate each other.

the only reason which makes me uneasy is, of course, comparison. when i go through those pages, i've been comparing. comparing myself, my life, with theirs, with what their friends say about them, with what they say about their friends. there will be no end to comparing, i know that. but i just can't help but compare.

everyone i know (knew is more accurate here) do not fit the image i had about them before. it's like they have progressed so much, they have changed so much. i think their dreams and hopes are slowly taking shape. everyone have so much to say about their friends. and everyone have so much to share about their friends. and what they say is really, seriously, totally different from what i have in mind. they are all being who they want, doing what they want, being where they want and taking the route they want, i guess.

so everyone i knew is totally a different person now. they've made so much progress during these few years. so many things are different. i really don't know how to communicate with them anymore. i'm like just being stagnant, being me, all the time, no progress, no nothing, just me. it's like i'm leaving myself behind. i once said that i won't care if everyone around me leave me behind, the most important thing is i go on myself, i take my own route. but now, it's like i'm leaving myself behind!

i haven't make any progress in my social skills. i haven't make any progress in my life, and i've became more and more forgetfull. i almost forgot my secondary school life. i almost forgot my friends back there. and i've totally forgot how primary school was. total blank. there are only vague, precious memory left about my past. i don't know why.

maybe it's not such a big deal. but i'm feeling kind of uneasy with all these. maybe i should stay out from those webpages. maybe it'll help me forget how badly i've left myself behind.